Enter The Cupboard

I bet you are wondering where I have been? Why have I not posted a blog in two months?  What’s with berry spots stained on my arms? Well, my friends, even if you haven’t the slightest desire to read on, I am going to dish my latest scoop on Life to you. Grab your favorite cereal bowl and prepare to………. Enter the Cupboard.

Late night munchies, we all have them, right? You know, that craving that creeps up on you just before you settle down under the covers. That panging inside of you that just wants to shout out “feed me,” like everybody’s favorite man-eating plant, Audrey. (Hum a bar of the “Little Shop of Horrors” theme here. Go, ahead. You know you want to. Nobody reading this blog will hear you, unless they are reading the blog there with you at the same time. But then again, you both would be humming it at the same time, cancelling out each other’s humming so that nobody would hear any humming. So, in that case, why even bother humming the song in the first place?) Wow! That was quite a tangent! Back to our story.

After several minutes of deep meditation, I decided to give into the temptation and indulge in a late night cereal snack. Donning my favorite tiger embroidered martial arts robe (because we all know that I like to wear a martial arts robe at bedtime) I stealthily headed into the dark kitchen. I went to the fridge and took out some milk. (Yes, the same fridge that was cleaned in the last blog entry. If you didn’t read that one, then I invite you now to go and enjoy it after you finish this story. It really doesn’t matter what order you read them in. I am just happy that you are reading them at all.)  As I took the milk out, I thought I heard a crunching noise behind me. I thought to myself, “Self, you are just being flakey. It’s nothing.”

I proceeded to get a bowl from my Quaker style cabinet. Again. I heard something.  This time it sounded like somebody throwing pebbles at the cupboard above my oven. I know, fruity, right? “Man!  My brain must be total mush tonight.” Then, just as I grabbed a spoon, not only did I hear a “Snap!” but also a “Crackle” and a “Pop!”  These sounds scared the Life out of me. They were coming from the same cupboard. Dare I enter the cupboard ? (yes!  I worked the title in! Two scoops for me!)

After chewing  on the issue for a spilled second, I raised my spoon towards the cupboard and said, “Do you feel lucky, junk?”  All was silent. I swiftly opened the cupboard door. Out leapt Captain Crunch, like a ninja pirate from some ninja pirate movie. The box top was open. The only surprise inside for me was the attack of the crunchberries from inside. Crunchberries went flying everywhere! Some landed on me and left their staining blueness on my arms. Captain Crunch was followed by Mister Salty and then Aunt Jemima. The last item to jump out of the cupboard was a box of Wheaties. I opened up my mouth, and caught some of the Wheaties. It was a good thing that I ate my Wheaties because it gave me the energy I needed to clean up the mess on the floor.

Next time, make no ifs, brans, or buts about it, I’m sticking to oatmeal—which is located in the tin on the counter.

Moral of the story……  He who packs entire food supply into one cupboard is cereal-ously asking for some nasty Trix to be played on him.

Until next time……….. Cheerio.

02.29.12

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